addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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