I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
