He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
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It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
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My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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