dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
