i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
