I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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