So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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