He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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