i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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