Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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