Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
