then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
