david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
