Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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