I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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