So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
