dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Please, let me fuck your mom
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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