if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
