I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
