we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
