my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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