Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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