I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
