with your own penis?
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
FUCK WHALES
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
