You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
