I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
