I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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