The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
