He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Randomize
