I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
