she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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