Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
