ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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