Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
