nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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