my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
