So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
