im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
operation have a gay friend backfired
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
