My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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