Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
