Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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