when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
