So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
