True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
