she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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