Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
