okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
