Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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