true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
