I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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