i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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