Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
