my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
