So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
