Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
