True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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