Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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