there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
