is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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