Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
