My first STD was from a foam party
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
