with your own penis?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
