if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
