my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
