i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
